The Places I Have Been

I have......

 been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not!

I have been in Deepshit many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there.

BABYCAKES !

Everyone loves babies , especially if you are not the one that has to change their diapers ,lol.Got this as a email and thought it might brighten your day .Enjoy !

Everyone loves A Good Song with Feeling.

I will slap you silly!!!

Original Gang Sign.

Sup, G?

Is that edible?

WHATEVER MAN…

That’s right baby...I still got it.

Get Outta My FACE!!!

OH! C-c-c-cold Wipes!

I can’t believe this place...

Tonight you die in your sleep!

Yeah… I just farted!

Tell me she did NOT just say that!!


 

Laugh Of The Day

Lost Keys

Moe lost his keys .We have searched everywhere for them, for 2 weeks . Under the car seat . In all his trouser pockets . Asked the guy at our laundry if they found them .Maybe they fell under the bed , well it could happen .Nope, not there ,not anywhere .

Today we decided to make him copy's of the keys he lost.Also, to buy him a key chain to put his new shiny keys on once we had them  made .This has happened in the past , lost keys, so we knew exactly where to go in Tagura to have keys made .A tiny little shop ,on a tiny little side street, that has been in the same spot for 40 years , until today .The shop had been knocked down ..... to make room for one more new street.

Oh no ! What to do ? There are of course other key shops but we liked this one . The man made good keys . We never got a key from him that needed to be jiggled in the lock to make it work .Off we went in search of a new key shop. We found one that was located next to a mosque and a coffee shop.

The only place to park was in front of the coffee shop . Not a ideal spot for me to park . It was filled with migrant workers tired from a hard days work, drinking coffee. I saw that they had noticed me , a foreigner with blonde hair .Moe got out of the car. Leaving me all alone in the car to go have his keys made. He took my car key on the same key chain with the rest of my keys .Only one problem with that scenario ..... my car key has buttons on it that when punched , will lock or unlock the car doors .. and cause the head lights to go on or off as the doors are locked or unlocked .I guess I should be thankful that it doesn't cause the horn to honk as well . Some do that you know .

Well , Moe is walking down the side walk with his cane in his good hand holding on to the keys , and with every step , he is pushing the button on the car key. This is causing the car door locks to lock and unlock with his every step. Clunk clink I am deafened by the locks opening and closing .The first couple of times it happened I was surprised , wondering how it was possible they could open and close on their own ... without me using the key. I know ... dumb , but I am blonde ! About the time I realized that it was Moe  walking , pushing the buttons , I also noticed the men in the cafe staring at me in the car.It was because the lights were flashing like mad, on and off ......at them ! Several men looked like they were considering whether or not this just might be their lucky day !OMG !

Moe continued walking along the side walk for about 50 yards all the while the car's headlights were flashing the men in the cafe .I started to laugh , I mean what else could I do ?That seemed to make things more interesting for the men , an insane foreigner sitting in a car in front of the cafe and near a mosque, with clunk clinking door locks and flashing head lights . It just boggles the mind what I must be thinking to behave in such a bold manner, when clearly my man has walked off leaving me all alone in the car .

I thought since there was nothing I could do about the situation I might as well enjoy it . I continued to laugh but secretly hoping that when Moe went around the corner the entire Morse Code of flashing lights accompanied with the clatter of  door locks would end . It didn't .It went on for what seemed like forever. Stopping only when he entered the key shop . Oh, thank goodness !!! But then there was his long.... and need I say SLOW walk back to the car .He walks up to the car with a look of wonderment on his face . He gets in the car and asks ME...... how did I make the car lights flash on and off like that ? And ....WHY ?

Halloween Cartoons

Modern Life

      When I bought my Blackberry I thought about  the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all  without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos,  pictures and communicates with Facebook and  Twitter.  I signed up under duress  for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses,  13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with  me in the modern way. I figured I could handle  something  as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of  space.

       That was before one of my grand kids hooked  me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie  and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that  sends every message to my cell phone and every other  program within the texting world.

       My phone was  beeping every three minutes with the details of everything  except the bowel movements of the entire next generation.  I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in  the garage in my golf bag.

       The kids bought me a GPS  for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now  and then going over to the grocery store or library. I  keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth  [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble  talking to my wife and everyone in  the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me.  I had to take my  hearing aid out to use it, and  I got a little loud.

        I mean the GPS looked pretty  smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget  was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a  long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say,  "Re-calc-ul-ating."  You would think that she could  be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a  U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn  instead well, it was not a good relationship.

        When  I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the  name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she  loves me.

        To be perfectly frank, I am still trying  to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We  have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out  how I can lose three phones all at once and have run  around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms  and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

        The world is just getting too complex for  me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery  store. You would think they could settle on something  themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time  I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of  those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.

        Now I toss  it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I  just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual."  Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank  look.

        I was recently  asked if I tweet. I answered, "No, but I do toot a  lot."

Come Fly With Us

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously.
Check out their new livery!
 See also the comments of flight attendants and crew listed below the pictures . Hilarious !!!
 

KULULA.COM- South Africa's Budget Airline

Kulula is an Airline with head office in Johannesburg.

                 Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

               ---o0o---
 

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing,

when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
---o0o---
 
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said,

"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights.

This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
---o0o---
 
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.

If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
---o0o---
 
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

---o0o---
 
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
---o0o---
 
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone
voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

---o0o---
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced,

"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
---o0o---
 
From a Kulula employee: "Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth.

To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt;

and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
---o0o---
 

 
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.

Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.

If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.

If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
---o0o---
 
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.

Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
---o0o---
 
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
---o0o---
 
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.

Please do not leave children or spouses.."

                      ---o0o---
 

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is
pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in
the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
---o0o---
 
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town :

The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,

"That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking.

I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

---o0o---

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it.

After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City.

Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened

while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

---o0o---

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

---o0o---

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question? Did we land, or were we shot down?"

---o0o---

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg, the attendant came on
with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain
Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

---o0o---

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

---o0o---

Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

---o0o---

A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and
uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

Moe's New Ride

Yesterday was Friday , which is like a Saturday for the Western world ,in other words , our day of rest . Moe and I did nothing much . We slept late .We had a late lunch . Relaxed just watching TV . Later we decided we would go for our weekly Friday ride into town to cheek things out .

I brought along our camera ... just in case I saw something worth showing you .I did see a lovely purple house with a purple wall around it but Moe wouldn't let me take a picture of it . So , I will have to do that some other day when I am out on my own .

We stopped  to sample the coffee at several coffee bars that  are everywhere .Some where pretty good and some where just ok. But no matter where we went , we drew stares .At first I thought it was because of Moe's driving our new motorcycle , but then I decided it was because we made such a cute couple .Anyway , we got some one to take our picture and I thought you would like to see for yourself how cute we looked .

Tweety Turns 62

TWEETY TURNS "62" NEXT WEEK!!!

"I TAWT I TAW A  PU .... A PUT.... OH I DON'T KNOW WAT I TAW !!!