Remembering To Breath

There have been times in my life when I have literally forgotten to breath .I remember the 1st time it happened . I was 15 and the boy I had loved since I was 4 years old told me he was marring a girl exactly 5 years older than me to the day . I can remember my heart stopped beating and I couldn't catch my breath for a minute . He broke my heart.

Then it happened again when the doctor told my sisters and I that our mother had colon cancer and would not live more than a year or two . My knees wanted to buckle and my breath caught in my throat .She died just three short months later .

The day we got the lab reports back telling us our youngest son had HIV/AIDS my head started to buzz and all I could think was no , it wasn't true . I had prayed so hard to Allah to make it not true . It couldn't be . There had to be some mistake in the lab work, but it was true .

When he died and they came to tell me, I was calm , but latter after all business of the funeral was over , I would remember he was dead at odd moments . It would catch me off guard . I would stop breathing . The ache in my heart was so strong , it squashed all breath out of my lungs . I had to keep reminding myself to breath off and on . I would have spells where I was hit by the freight train of loss .The disbelief that my son was gone forever was almost more than I could bare .

I learned to get through these losses by taking one breath at a time . One minute , then two , pretty soon I was breathing whole blocks of time without reminding myself to keep inhaling and exhaling air . Amazing how resilient the spirit is when faced with the end of the world .

So , if this ever happens to you , just try to remember one breath at a time is all it takes to carry on with the business of life . One breath , then two , then three and soon it just happens on its own . Even if you wished it wouldn't .