Friday, July 13, 2007

The Joy's Of Having Adult Children

The Joy's Of Having Adult Children !

I am constantly asked how are my adult children , their spouses , and their children as if I am notified on their every move , breath , and thought . The Joy is that now they are all grown , moved away from home with lives of their own , I am no longer the designated keeper of their lives !

What freedom that is after so many years of worrying about their every move , breath, and thought . I no longer have to sit up nights wondering when or if there will be that knock on my door telling me some dreaded news . I no longer have to referee arguments over who has control of the remote for the TV . No more showers of cold water because the last one in the shower used all the hot water . No longer am I in charge of worrying if that new friend really is, in fact, a bad influence or not .No more grounding the one who missed curfew , as a matter of fact , no more curfews at all , oh yeah ! Another thing I don't have to think about any longer is asking , where are you going ? Who will you be with ? Last , but not least , when will you be back ?

Here in Libya most adult children live at home until they are married and even then , there are still some that live with the family until housing is found .This is a large problem here , the lack of available housing . The market is booming with construction of apartments , just not fast enough to keep up with the growing population. They are also not geared for the typical Libyan family that have large families of 3 or more children . Many apartments only have two rooms which are clearly not intended for a family of five or more .

This leads to many parents here being more intimately involved in their adult children's lives, than say in the U.S. Many mothers , mother in laws , fathers , father in laws rule the lives of the adult child here much more closely than would be allowed in the western world by adult children there . Parents here are constantly ordering their adult children how to live their lives and how to raise their children .I see this all the time here and am always amazed at how well this is tolerated by the adult children. Whenever my husband or I have tried in the past to pass on unasked for advise ,our children politely ignore us .

I wish I could be more like my mother was when she was raising my sisters and I . She was so patient with us . When we married she tried her best to keep out of any arguments we might have with our spouses . She mostly kept her thoughts on child rearing to herself . And if our life styles didn't coincide with her philosophies of wholesome living , she managed for the most part to bite her tongue . When my husband asked her for my hand in marriage , the only question she asked was , did he love me ? Now , if only I could be so saintly !

I have to keep reminding myself of all the Joy's I have now that they are all gone away from home , living their lives of adventures . I try to remember that it is no longer my job to worry over them and their lives as when they were little . So , joy oh joy , my shower of hot water , running around in underwear instead of clothes in the condo , only worrying about what to cook for dinner , and never having to worry about the kids now that they are all grown up . So , now when anyone ask me," how are your kids doing ?", I just smile and say they are all fantastic ! Now that is something to be joyful about !

1 comment:

khadijateri said...

When? When will it be my turn????