Mental Health Day For Me

It seems like Autumn is here at last , or at least trying to stay .One day cool and lovely , then next warm and dusty . The norm for here this time of year . Halloween came and went . Of course this is not a holiday here in Libya . But it is a special day for me , as it was my son Haroun's birthday . He died of AIDS 6 years ago . It is a bitter sweet time for me , as I love Halloween . It is all tangled up with memories of our children when they were young , Haroun's birthday, and all the fun that Halloween brings with it in the US .

Moe is progressing . It is an up and down thing for him .The new meds are helping him ,but he still has some very serious issues that will have to addressed when we see the cardiologist on the 7th .The doctor told us he can't have any stress ( I AM SO SURE THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN !!!!) , no exercise ( he has diabeties and needs to exercise , OMG !) , no stairs ( we live on the 4th floor) ,rest ( HAHAHAHHA!!) ,and move to a ground level deweling .No problem !But other than that .... all is good !

I am reserving today as a mental health day for me and will have a one day mental break down , lol .So , if you don't hear from me soon , you will know I have extended the break down .Take care and keep on keeping on !

Painting by Tilly Strauss :" Divorce Document #2"

A Fragile Bliss

Our lives , Moe's and mine , has been a blissful blending of days , melding one into another for the last several weeks . When asked how I have spent my day , I am at a loss for an explanation .I know I have done the mundane daily chores that rules my life . I know he has gone to the gym or the cafe for coffee and a visit with his friends , but ask me to describe in details , I am at a loss for words . I have spent time with friends talking of this and that , sharing in their lives , yet somehow untouched by them .Odd , it is odd to have such bliss in our lives .

Moe feels much the same way . We were discussing this today . He said he felt at peace , calm .I feel strangely under stressed . A alien state for us . Normally we have at least two or more crisis roiling through our lives on a daily basis , but not recently .Something always demanding our attention immediately ! Now ! Now ! Now !

Afternoons spent sitting on the beach watching the sea , the sky , all  life moving in time to earths rhythm like the waves .No need for words between the two of us , just a glance now and then for affirmation on the beauty of God's perfection . Long languid drives in the country side seeing  the march of progress slaying Natures work with new construction scattered here and there . This is how I remember our days being spent .

Last night this peace was fractured by a image of a child , dying of AIDS . It might have been a picture of our son .Unexpectedly this child tore into our hearts. We thought were over the heart piercing  pain of losing our son six years ago to AIDS . The kind of pain that tears the breath from your mouth . Makes you want to gag because it is like being punched in the solar plexus .I thought that sort of pain behind us , that we had moved on to a more neutral generic anguish . Something that we were living with , coping , less painful and manageable. Instead we both realized we are living in a fragile bliss that can be shattered in a moment .

Painting by Michael Naples :" Cracked Shell"

IF ONLY

If Only


If only he had listened………

If only there had been rehab………….

If only there had been counseling ……….

If only there had been treatment ………

If only there had been help …………

If only there had been hope ………….

If only there had been some other way ………….

If only so many more things ………….

If only, if only, if only, if ………..

If only my son were alive today ……….

If only there never was a disease named AIDS .

My Wish List For Libya

Public acknowledgment that there is a large alcohol and drug problem .


Public acknowledgment that there is a large Aids epidemic in Libya .


Have a public education program in the schools , on TV and radio to raise awareness of these diseases , how to prevent them, and the treatment available if contracted .


Have Aids , alcohol , and drug treatment centers with medicines and counsellings for Aids victims , alcoholics ,drug addicted persons,and their family members readily available to all without fear of any reprisals at a nominal fee , if not free , this is Libya after all , rich oil state.


Have hospitals treat these people as if they were any other patient .


Have treatment for these people that are incarcerated in prisons .


This is the short list for now .