I think I said once , that Libyans LOVE their coffee . Well , here is the proof .Some one has taken their coffee espresso machine to war so that the freedom fighters can have their daily coffee.Coffee is a serious thing here . Starbucks ain't got nothing on a Libyan coffee shop !
Recently Mohamed and I were out and about in town running errands .Some thing happened that at the time I didn't think it was a big deal.Since this is the new and improved Libya, and we are free to voice our opinions with out fear of reprisals from the government , I would like to discuss this with you to see what you think.
We were in our car approaching a check point.There were many cars ahead of us but the line was moving quickly since the cars were being waved through the check point by the young man on duty.When my turn came I flashed him a smile and a peace sign , Moe smiled as well . We expected a nod or a smile back from the young man, as so often happens these days.We were signaled to stop which was fine . The young man came to the car and smiled at me . He asked me to say Allah Alkhbar ( God Is Great, in Arabic) .I told him of course I would say God is Great. I shouted out at the top of my lungs Allah Alkhbar, then I was allowed to drive through the check point. We all had a laugh as I drove away.I was looking in my review mirror as I drove down the street.I noticed the guy continued to wave through all the cars behind me , not stopping them as he had me.Later we drove through the check point on the opposite side of the road. No one asked me any questions as I came through the check point, but they did smile back as I flashed them the peace sign.
Tonight as I was washing the dishes I started thinking about this and that, because let's face it, washing dishes is a mindless chore,.My mind wandered here and there.One of the things that passed through my mind as I washed the dishes was the experience at the check point with the young man .I think what triggered my thought was Moe was watching one of the many new Libyan channels on TV . Some one on the talk show he was watching was continuously shouting out Allah Alkhbar every 2 minutes or so .One thought lead to another , and before I knew it , there I was in my mind back at the check point shouting out Allah Alkhbar.
This is ok , as I have been know to shout out Allah Alkhbar for no reason at all . The spirit moves me , so to say.But I remembered that out of all the cars before or after me , I was the only one that was stopped. I was the only one that was asked to shout out Allah Alkhbar .
Now why was that, I wondered? Was it because Moe and I smiled at him and none of the other people had acknowledged him , let alone smiled?Did he take that as a opening to joke around with some one that seemed friendly ?Did he do it because I was obviously a foreigner ? I don't wear a head scarf or the Hijab as so many other western women do here in Libya.I am Muslim but I don't cover.But Mohamed was in the car with me and he is Libyan and obviously a Muslim .
I do look " foreign" with my blond hair showing . Was that why he did it ? To remind me that this was an Islamic country?I don't know what he was thinking when he asked me to shout out Allah Alkhbar.But what if .... I was , oh say , a ambassador ,or a volunteer doctor here to help the many wondered people , or any one of the many foreign workers that are still here in Libya working , the majority of whom are Christian .How would one of them had felt if they had been demanded to shout out Allah Alkhbar ? Would they have understood that this has become the rallying battle cry of this revolution? Would they have understood that they were not necessarily being singled out because they were foreigners?
Maybe he just felt enthusiastic that day and wanted to share his enthusiasm with some one, and I was the chosen person .He might have just wanted to see what I would say or do ? Who knows ? But maybe in the future it would be more appropriate by those that man the check points, to just accept the peace sign from those that flash it and not demand an Allah Alkhbar from people that don't voluntary shout it out ?Does any one see my point ? I do know that this is an Islamic country, but we do have many non Muslims that work and live here that might feel intimidated by this " mandatory " Allah Alkhbar .
Recently we had a visitor who was talking to Moe about a new political party being formed here in Libya. He was terribly excited by the process. He said he knew this one and he knew that one . That they were on the NTC ( National Transitional Council) now and would be members of this new political party. I didn't hear the name of the party ,so don't ask me what it was ,when he told Moe. I then told him about the petition being drawn up for Libyan women asking for their rights in the new Libya . He just ignored me . He is married with 2 daughters , one foreign daughter in law, and 4 grand daughters. I thought he would like to pass the message on to them.
I then asked him would he please speak to one or more of them for me about my group to help raise awareness of our situation as Foreign Spouses of Libyans and our great need for rights here in Libya.He looked at me like I was insane . He thought for a second or two before he replied to my request. He then practically shouted at me saying that, " THE MEN IN LIBYA NEEDED THEIR RIGHTS FIRST ". Before women and a bunch of foreigners is what he meant to say but didn't , at least that is the way I interpreted it . Stupid me !!! WHAT WAS I THINKING ??? Women having rights in Libya ? I sincerely hope the other men in his new party don't feel the way he does. The more things change , the more they stay the same it seems.Sigh!
Poets, priests and politicians
Have words to thank for their positions
Words that scream for your submission
And no one’s jamming their transmission
’cos when their eloquence escapes you
Their logic ties you up and rapes you
De do do do, de da da da
Is all I want to say to you
De do do do, de da da da
Their innocence will pull me through
De do do do, de da da da
Is all I want to say to you
De do do do, de da da da
They’re meaningless and all that’s true.
Friday Moe and I went to visit his brother in his new house .Several of Moe's sisters and their kids were there as well , so it was a lovely way to spend the day.Another brother in law dropped by as well . The house is really nice . It is like a American open plan house with a great kitchen loaded with all the latest appliances , like a dishwasher. Can you tell I am a little envious ?LOL!My sister in law seemed bent on stuffing us all from the minute we arrived there , to the minute we left.I think we must have gained 10 kilos.
We sat around and talked while keeping a sharp eye out on the tv for the latest news on the offensive in Sirte and Bani Walid.The news bulletins kept us on the edge of our seats at times , others we were ready to throw things at the tv. As we talked the conversation moved , as it seems to do these days , to our individual war experiences. We were divided into groups of : those of us who stayed the entire war here in Libya, to those of us that stayed for just part of the war ,moving to another country until the rebels/ freedom fighters came to Tripoli. Some of us live outside of Libya , so their stories, while different from most of ours, they were no less traumatic.But we all had a story.
As more relatives arrived the furniture had to be moved around to accommodate a larger sitting plan.My sister in law had picked up a large wooden table to move. Since it was entirely too heavy for her to lift alone , it slipped from her hands and crashed to the marble floor with a loud bang.In that instant you could tell which ones of us had lived abroad, which ones of us had stayed for part of the war , and which ones of us had stayed the entire war .The ones who lived abroad said: WOW .The ones who stayed for part of the war jumped and looked around . The others like Moe and I that had stayed the entire war screamed and jumped , terrified that somehow we were under attack as irrational as that seemed.
On the way home , we got caught up in a road block were the guys manning it were in a celebratory mood.They were firing off round after round of missiles and bullets from guns until the air was fogged with smoke.We were close to the actions . It was intimidatingly frightening as it was the first time in 7 months Moe and I had been out of the Condo after dark #1, and #2 all those bullets have to come down somewhere and we were way too close for comfort.This went on for about 5 minutes that seemed like an hour to us as we waited . I am so glade I wasn't driving .Our niece that was in the car with us was totally stressed out from it as she had already been caught in a gun battle once before during the war in a car.It brought back scary memories for her and her dad who was our driver.
I had thought that I was ok . That our experiences from the war were mild. I realized this wasn't the case once we had arrived home and I had time to reflect on the days activities. Thinking back, I realized that I had become nervous when the front door of my brother in laws house was left open. The door was only a few meters from the outer door in the wall that surrounds the property. Way too close to just leave open like that where anyone could walk in freely. The incident with the falling table , the drive home after dark , and the open door. I guess it will take time to recover .
Disclaimer notice ..... abuse towards women happens all over the world , in all countries, in all social classes,in all ethnic divisions, in all religions, and anything else I left out here..... JUST TO BE FAIR TO ALL CONCERNED . So , don't write me any nasty fan mail ,ok?
I feel so much like the character in the above cartoon. I want to scream . I want to pull out some ones hair and it isn't mine you can bet on that .Maybe even commit murder, death ,kill to some one . I am so mad I think my blood pressure is in the quadruple digits by now and I have had several hours to cool off .Talked with a friend tonight . She visited a friend of ours that neither one of us has seen in a while due to the war.She found our friend in bad shape both physically and mentally.A extremely long complicated story that I won't tell here , is that she is being mentally and physically abused by her " loving " husband.
She adored this man . She often would speak of him in glowing , loving terms and now she is very ill he is mistreating her.AND GETTING BY WITH IT ! Why is he getting by with this ? Because she is a foreigner for one thing and hasn't any legal rights here in Libya. Two , she is a foreigner and doesn't have any family here to protect her like a Libyan woman would .Even if ( this for those of you that are thinking this, or will say it )our USA embassy was open, they would not help her unless she came to them willingly and wanted to go home to the USA ,leaving her husband .She is unable to go to the police.Too afraid to tell anyone in case her husband finds out she has told anyone. If I and/or my friends try to help her , he can legally keep us from seeing or talking to her .
This is not ,and I am sure it won't be the last, case of abuse to a foreign wife of a Libyan here in Libya.I've said this before and I will say it again, we are natural targets for bully's that some of us unknowingly marry.Usually we met our husbands in the US while he is a student studying for a degree. Things are wonderful . We marry and are mostly happy while we are living in the USA.Then we will probably move to Libya for any variety of reasons only to find that loving man we so admired and adored has changed into a Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde personality. What are we to do about it now that we are isolated from all our friends and family ? The people we would normally turn to for help?Our husbands families in many cases won't hear of their son being a bad person.It must be all in our minds .So forget that .His friends that were your friends when you were all in the USA together as students? Ha !No , there is no where to turn for help and more than likely no one wants to be involved on your problems.
I have heard of women locked into their homes allowed to see or talk to no one , including their husbands family.Women beaten so badly they were hospitalized. Women locked into rooms in the garden of their own home and not allowed out . Women starved .Women not allowed to speak their native tongue ever.Women denied basic medical care.And on and on the list grows . AND THERE IS NO ONE THEY CAN TURN TO HELP THEM. They are isolated , alone ,scared ,terrorized,depressed, close to insane from abuse. I AM NOT SAYING THIS HAPPENS TO ALL FOREIGN WOMEN that marry Libyans and come here to live , for many of us are happy and well treated. But for it to happen at all is one too many women.I am so sad and depressed right now.My poor friend .
This week end we had visitors . The first to come over was Moe's younger brother and his family. They had returned from Tunis where they had been for the last 2 months. We were so glade to see one another we couldn't stop hugging .We were the survivors of war . Each one of us had a story we wanted to tell .And we all wanted to them at the same time ,lol.We looked like grinning idiots . We couldn't stop grinning. If we weren't grinning , then one or more of us were crying about some one or something that had happened.They stayed for a long time but the time just flew by on wings.So nice to see them all safe and healthy.
Then yesterday Moe's sister that lives here , her husband , and their daughter with her son , along with the sister that lives in the US came over to visit.The sister here we hadn't seen in months . Her husband had been quite ill during the war. How great it was to see him back on his feet again.I hadn't met the little baby before I am ashamed to say . He isn't exactly a baby any more . He will be 2 years old next month ,lol. He is a doll . OMG , if he were a girl , how beautiful would he be?Our sister that lives in the US hasn't been home in a year .It was so good to see her again . She had stories also of how the war had affected her in the US, watching it from afar. How hard it had been for the Libyans in the States to watch on tv. She brought news of our daughters there in America.
Again we all had stories we had to share with one another . Moe and I were retelling stories that we had told the day before .They were just as traumatic .We learned that a nephew had been fighting with rebels ( have to stop calling them that but don't have another name for them yet.) and he had left his family worried sick for months with no news of him. I don't know how his mother lived through such an ordeal .I would have been insane.Another nephew in the family had been a on the ground reporter here. Getting the news out to news networks so the outside world would know what was happening here. A niece had been shot in her leg sitting in her yard. She was ok .Many others in the family that had been arrested for siding with the rebels where finally released from prison.. Our daughter was very involved in America with aid and volunteer services to come here to help the people.On and on the news of this one and that one came out . Eight months of no communications with one another , for if the phones were working , you couldn't talk freely on them . They were monitored of course. With no gasoline for the cars , there was no visiting . We shed years of rage with laughter of relief that we had made it through the war alive and well.
We all had questions concerning the future .Worries that all could turn out to be not what it seemed , after all Ghadaffy had started out ok , hadn't he?Why had this happened and not that?What next?How long did we estimate it would take to turn the country around.Of course we all had an opinion on that subject .Arm chair rulers , we had became.But the visits were good . A renewal of our family bonds .
We heard over and over not only from family, but friends as well, that it was safe to go out .Drive around in the city and the small town were we live. I had deep reserves about leaving the safety of our home until yesterday. Since yesterday was the first day in who knows when we hadn't heard gunfire somewhere near our home, Moe and I decided to go out yesterday morning . Just here in Tagura were we used to drive around .
Our favorite coffee shop was now open and ready for us . There were "oh how are you's" all around .People smiling and congratulations to one another for the Eid and the revolution's success was heard at all the different places we stopped.Again , everyone wanted to tell you their story
The most remarkable thing for me, was that every single place I looked , I saw people smiling uncontrollably .The young guys on guard duty at road blocks shouting out hello's and smiling like the Cheshire cat from ear to ear.Everyone flashing the peace sign that has taken the place of the up raised fist of the old regime.Out bursts of " ALLAH AKBAR" ( God is Great) in loud proud voices, zinging through the air like darts.Flags , hats , stickers on cars , buildings and walls with "Libya Hurra " ( Free Libya) written on them everywhere.And more smiling happy faces telling you that it was all worth it .I will be forever grateful to have been a part of this,the birth of a new nation. Amazing times . An awesome time for the Libyan people that have never know what freedom feels like before now. Imagine that if you can . Freedom ,how can you describe such a thing?
Janis Joplin said ,
"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose,
Nothing don't mean nothing honey if it ain't free, now now."
in her song " Me And Bobby McGee".
The Libyan people have stood up against all odds and said we count. We're mad and we are fighting back. We want our freedom.They stood up to a dictator and demanded their freedom . You know what ? They got it when everyone said it will never happen . No way you can fight Ghadaffy and ever win.Take your pick of reasons from below:
He will never let you win .
He is too strong.
You aren't strong enough.
You will never get any support.
The people are too afraid to stand up for their rights.
Everyone is afraid to fight.
Good thing Ben Ghazi didn't listen to any of those things huh ?
I cam here to Libya the 1st time when I was a idealistic , naive ,pregnant 20 year old that knew nothing about birthing no babies. I came here after having worked for 3 years supporting myself , help supporting my mother. and supporting my new husband until he got his work permit in the US after we married.
I was fully independent.I was hard working. I believed in equality.I was used to thinking for myself and making my own decisions.I thought that would continue to happen when we moved to Libya.I was so excited to come to Libya and be a trail blazer , a pioneer .
Mohamed's family was a good family.They were a well educated family that had traveled much and seen the world outside of Libya. They were as open minded as a Libyan family could possibly be in 1972. They welcomed me with open arms and treated me as a daughter of the family. I called Mohamed's parents Bouy ( my father) and his mother , Ommy ( my mother) and I meant it .I felt they were my parents. I also called his sisters and brothers mine as well . I still do to this day.I am honored they call me sister.
We get along like a family , some times it's onions , sometimes it honey.There were times when it was mostly onions with Mohamed when we lived here in Libya. I had no one to help me . No one had my back. There wasn't any one to turn to .I felt so alone.I never want another wife to come here and feel like that because she discovered she didn't have any rights like I did.
Those of us (the foreign spouses) that live in Libya, have lived in Libya , or even just visited Libya all have a story.Usually one that ends like this , I had / have no rights because I am a foreigner. If you never lived here or even visited and you are a foreign spouse, it was for one reason I am sure , the lack of security,the lack of freedom of your rights. Correct?.Now , for the 1st time we have a chance to change that.Change it for ourselves , for our daughters , for our grandchildren from our daughters that married non Libyan men.We can give them what no one gave us ... a chance to have freedom ,equality , and rights. A voice for future non Libyan women married to Libyan men , not just ourselves.This may be the ONLY time in history that this will happen.Don't miss out on your destiny.Your voice counts . Let's hear it.Tell the NTC what you want , your equal rights as a foreign spouse married to a Libyan.
If you are a non-Libyan married to a Libyan and wish to join a facebook group that was formed to write a petition, to be presented to the NTC asking for you to have the right to own property in Libya , inherit from your spouse , and many other rights , click here for the page. You must have a facebook account to see the page.
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