Friday, September 16, 2011

Mad and Sad

Disclaimer notice ..... abuse towards women happens all over the world , in all countries, in all social classes,in all ethnic divisions, in all religions, and anything else I left out here..... JUST TO BE FAIR TO ALL CONCERNED . So , don't write me any nasty fan mail ,ok?

I feel so much like the character in the above cartoon. I want to scream . I want to pull out some ones hair and it isn't mine you can bet on that .Maybe even commit murder, death ,kill  to some one . I am so mad I think my blood pressure is in the quadruple digits by now and I have had several hours to cool off .Talked with a friend tonight . She visited a friend of ours that neither one of us has seen in a while due to the war.She found our friend in bad shape both physically and mentally.A extremely long  complicated story that I won't tell here , is that she is being mentally and physically abused by her " loving " husband.

She adored this man . She often would speak of him in glowing , loving terms and now she is very ill he is mistreating her.AND GETTING BY WITH IT ! Why is he getting by with this ? Because she is a foreigner for one thing and hasn't any legal rights here in Libya. Two , she is a foreigner and doesn't have any family here to protect her like a Libyan woman would .Even if ( this for those of you that are thinking this, or will say it )our USA embassy was open, they would not help her unless she came to them willingly and wanted to go home to the USA ,leaving her husband .She is unable to go to the police.Too afraid to tell anyone in case her husband finds out  she has told anyone. If I and/or my friends try to help her , he can legally keep us from seeing or talking to her .

This is not ,and I am sure it won't be the last, case of abuse to a foreign wife of a Libyan here in Libya.I've said this before and I will say it again, we are natural targets for bully's that some of us unknowingly marry.Usually we met our husbands in the US while he is a student studying for a degree. Things are wonderful . We marry and are mostly happy while we are living in the USA.Then we will probably move to Libya for any variety of reasons only to find that loving man we so admired and adored has changed into a Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde personality. What are we to do about it now that we are isolated from all our friends and family ? The people we would normally turn to for help?Our husbands families in many cases won't hear of their son being a bad person.It must be all in our minds .So forget that .His friends that were your friends when you were all in the USA together as students? Ha !No , there is no where to turn for help and more than likely no one wants to be involved on your problems.

I have heard of women locked into their homes  allowed to see or talk to no one , including their husbands family.Women beaten so badly they were hospitalized. Women locked into rooms in the garden of their own home and not allowed out . Women starved .Women not allowed to speak their native tongue ever.Women denied basic medical care.And on and on the list grows . AND THERE IS NO ONE THEY CAN TURN TO HELP THEM. They are isolated , alone ,scared ,terrorized,depressed, close to insane from abuse. I AM NOT SAYING THIS HAPPENS TO ALL FOREIGN WOMEN that marry Libyans and come here to live , for many of us are happy and well treated. But for it to happen at all is one too many women.I am so sad and depressed right now.My poor friend .


Anonymous said...

I am so grateful for your blog. I have been following it for awhile now, but I have never commented before. I have been married to a Lybian for almost 19 years and have one son. He has family living in Egypt and, of course, in Lybia. One time when our son was very young, my husband and I had a particularly nasty argument. At that time he reminded me that he had the right to take my son and I would never see him again. I still remember the fear I felt at those words, spoken almost 12 years ago. For this reason, I have never visited the Middle East nor has my son. Although my son is almost 16 years old he still has no passport.

Amina said...

I am sorry to say but my personal experience is that violence is a common tool in libyan families. I think ruling a country through fear like Gaddafi did has had influence on every libyan family. Violence is much more accepted than I could imagine. My sisters-in-law don't bother at all if their kids are being hit in school. They think it's for their best. I witnessed a kid who was burned with a cigaret by his father for punishment, another with hot wax of a candle. The sad thing, the parents are not outlaws but respected members of the society. My son's cousin told him: "You have to get used to beeing hit." The relation between wife and husband also reminds me much of the way Gaddafi treated the Libyans.