Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Job Opening Available


This is hysterical.

If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION :

Mum, Mummy, Mama, Ma

Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.

Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.

Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!

Travel expenses not reimbursed.

Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.

Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.

Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case,

this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,

such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.

Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.

Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining

and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.

On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them!

Offering frequent raises and bonuses.

A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because

of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.

When you die, you give them whatever is left.

The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that

you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement,

no paid holidays and no stock options are offered;

this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,

and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

** AND A FOOTNOTE 'THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!

6 comments:

Pinky Tabor said...

so true! so love this truth. but do all moms do these mentioned?
miss u OTE. hugs.

on the edge said...

Pinky !

How are you and the new baby doing ? Well I hope . Are the boys helping to take care of her , lol . Love ya !

on the edge said...

By The Way ... this picture is of my mother and older twin sisters when they were four years old .My mother was reading them a story on my grandmothers front lawn .Circa 1941

Pinky Tabor said...

Wow OTE, This is such a beautiful picture! Looks like this was taken by a professional Anyways, we're all good, Hamdullah. Am still adjusting though to the new "set-up" at home. Take care and regards!

Argentum Vulgaris said...

Wow, what a job description.

AV

on the edge said...

Hey Pinky !

I can only imagine the balls you are trying to juggle with a new born , a 2 year old, and a 1 year old too ! OMG !!! God has blessed you with abundance of love .

Hope you are recovering from the surgery well . Did you ever get any help in the house ?Good luck this Ramadan . You are always on my mind . OTE