Saturday, March 14, 2009

And Another Thing Or 2

And another thing while I am on my soap box .......what about foreign women that marry Arabs ( but this could be any foreign man not just a Arab ) and through no fault of her own finds herself divorced from that same man ? What happens to her ? Her children ? Many times she has to leave the country where she was living and WITHOUT HER CHILDREN . She is forced to leave them behind in the care of their father or his family's care . She doesn't want to leave her children but is forced to leave them , no other choice . Or maybe she has to leave the husband and his country to keep her sanity because of abuse from the husband , but isn't allowed to take her children with her .

I witnessed this several times for myself when we lived here in the 1970's . I am sure it still continues today as well . Imagine how soul wrenching that is for a mother to do , abandon her children . It is either her sanity or her children. Which would you choose?

Then there are the children that were kidnapped from their mother's arms so to speak . That has happened a lot too . My children knew several kids that this had happened to and the children grew up being told that their mothers didn't want them , where dead , or just left them , when in actual fact they had been kidnapped by the father .

One child had been kidnapped with her little brother while the family was on holiday. The father had told the mother that they were going to Europe on vacation . They did and stayed a 5 star hotel . They had everything the hotel had to offer . After about 5 days or so the father told his wife that he was taking the kids to the zoo and why didn't she stay in the hotel and rest , enjoy the peace and quite. She did .They didn't come back to the hotel . And they didn't come back . Still she waited for them getting more and more worried about them . After a while she called the hotel manager for help in trying to track them down . Maybe they had been in accident ? When that drew blanks , she called the embassy for help . Eventually it was found out that the father had taken all the money ( leaving her with a huge bill and no money to pay it with) out of the hotel safe , and had left the country for a 3rd country with the children to be lost forever .

The father had told the kids that they were going on a little trip and mommy would be joining them later . When they got to the other country a woman met them at the airport. The kids were told that Mommy had died and this was their new mommy and they found out that they also had a new baby brother too .The father had been going to this other country off and on with out his wife knowing about it and had married a Libyan woman there and had a family with her .

It was many years later and entirely through a over heard conversation by a uncle here in Libya that the girl found out the truth of their being kidnapped and that their mother , whom they had never forgotten , was still alive and well .Long story short , they contacted their real mom and was reunited again with her in her country . That was almost 10 years later . All that time she had no news of her children .But she had never given up looking for them .

Another child had been kidnapped by his father who married an foreign woman and had a son with her.This boy had been told his mother was a prostitute and a whore and that was why he had stolen him from her . The boy grew up thinking this until...... that family moved here. The boy went to the same school as my children . They were telling me about him one day and something about it sounded familiar to me , the names .So , I asked the kids to ask what the mother's name had been and the father's name too . Was his mother this nationality ?

Come to find out , this boys mother had been a friend of mine in America . She had been terribly abused by her husband and had sought help from a woman's shelter with her child . From there she escaped back to her country where her husband found her. He almost beat her to death and then stole her son from her when he left her for dead .

I was so shocked when heard what had happened to this child . I told my children the real story so they could tell him how much his mother had loved him and had tried to protect him for harms way . For his father beat him as he grew up also . At least he knew for sure that his mother had loved him and had tried to protect him .I later heard that he found her and stayed in contact with her .

In 1993 or 1994 , I think , the Libyan government invited mothers from England that had had to give up their rights to their children either because they had to leave the kids behind when they left Libya , or they had had the children kidnapped from them, to come here as the governments guests to see their children . The mothers were housed at a sea side resort and the Libyan family's were STRONGLY encouraged to allow these women to see their children the week they were here . Many family's complied and the mother and children were reunited again . I don't know what happened after that though , whether this continued or not .I hope so .

As I said in the opening paragraph , many foreign women find out that they have been divorced without any knowledge of the divorce and no longer have a home here in Libya . Although not all women are left homeless , since a few men will support the ex wives , while allowing them to keep their children . Or if it isn't that , then the husband decides that his life would be sooo much better IF he had married a Libyan woman after all , so he does .And many times , here again, he doesn't tell his wife. If he does tell her , it is like ," what are you going to do about it "? Of course this happens to even Libyan women too .But again she has a family
system in place to help her , where as the foreign woman doesn't . Now what is a woman to do in this situation ?Stay ? Leave ? Live with the hurt and humiliation ? Yes , life as foreign woman married to a Libyan is sooo easy !















15 comments:

KhedegahMc said...

Ya Ukhti, this post sent chills down my spine....how sad te stories are.....En sha Allah this type of carryon will stop...

Anonymous said...

The same happens to middle eastern and other women from developing worlds as well. Actaully it is bad for middle eastern men as well especially with western women. I personally know of two cases of western women ( both american ) who kidnapped their children to america one of them even told her children that their father died ! The other only kidnapped half her children because the other half abonded her when they reached europe and preferred to stay with their father over their mother. Western laws are as 'racist' as any other when it comes to these issues and add to it colonial racisim it makes it a thousand times worse for anyone from any non-western coutnry to hold on to his children. I mean western drug smugglers, paedophiles and rapists are innocent when they commit their crimes in third world deveolping countries, how do you thinks fathers are treated if they want divorce ? or if they want custody of their children ? don't have to go far just read about the pakistani girl who went to live with her sister and father instead of her mothers boyfriend and look at how the western press translated it! It's all exagarated and lies and biased reporting just like western womens blogs ..... pms'ing and hyperventilating !

PH

MusicLover said...

life as foreign woman married to a Libyan is sooo easy !

life as libyan man married to a local woman in a foreign country is sooo easy !

life as libyan man married to a libyan woman is sooo easy


None of the above is easy but I do not believe in abusing wives, children and kidnapping, unfortunately these things happen in different parts of the world.

At least in USA there are many shelters for abused wives and kids, plus many support groups were as in Libya there are none " I might be mistaken" The problem that even abused woman in any country does not know how to get out of the abused relationship and seek help, which surprises me in USA but family support in Libya is not a sure thing also.

In my hospital, there is a clinic for abused ethnic immigrant women such as Southeast Asians, Somalis and Bosnians who have been raped in their own country, the numbers are quiet high because they ride with me on the bus. It is disgusting that a man uses rape, beating a woman to have a control over. With the interent you hear more horor stories about abuse of women such as in Darfur, East Congo, Cambodia and the list goes for ever......
You ask yourself how a man can be so cruel and sick in his thinking.

Thank god that there are people in this world who really care about these issues, you happen to be one of them who cares about abused foreign women married to Libyan men, there is no doubt about it that exists. I think these abused women appreciate your help and talk about it in public.

Rush - Working Man
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h59mDlBSt7o

Please remove restrictions on your blog and I never know even my comment has been sent or not because sometimes it tells me the server is not responding

Argentum Vulgaris said...

I have read some stories about this and there was a film sometime back, although it wasn't about Libya, but non-the-less heart rending.

AV
http://tomusarcanum.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

You know the qualities that draw Libyan men to Western Women - are then the very same qualities that the men want to change as soon as the couple is either married or has made the choice to live in Libya.
Marriage in the most ideal situations , where there are more similarities is challenging. Throw in religion,ideals, children - how to raise them when the couple is from very different backgrounds.....it's HARD !
The trouble with Libyan men - they are coddled by their mothers for far to long.The average age for marriage in Libya , for a man. is between 30 and 40. That is simply WAY TOO OLD. He is still under his mothers wing , fed, launderd and completely cared for. When he marry's his much younger wife ( that is usually how it goes ) she is basically from another generation. She may not PROVIDE for him as his mommy did.
As society many Libyans want their girls educated in a post secondary environment - ok great - but if she wants to raise her own children she will have to leave the career and stay home. How about we encourage the men to be men and be providers and not look into their father's wallets for survival.
Also , why do so many famillies agree to marry their highly educated daughters to men who have NO education. Or simply have not worked in the field they were educated abroad. Come back to Libya marry doctors,engineers and themselves are possibly blanket sellers. Who then provides for the family - the woman or the man's father ??
Having been in Libya a few times , I ve truly enjoyed the oxymorons of this society.

on the edge said...

"I 've truly enjoyed the oxymoron's of this society."

LOL ! I have not only enjoyed them , I probably KNOW them , lol ! Love it !OTE

on the edge said...

Music Lover Said ... "
Please remove restrictions on your blog and I never know even my comment has been sent or not because sometimes it tells me the server is not responding . "

OTE says ... " I have no control over the server here , lol , but I do over the comments . I am slow opening my emails but I always publish everything that is sent , even if it isn't positive , as a few times it hasn't been .I moderate strictly because I want a chance to read all the comments , since I am bad about going back to read a post comment section once I post a topic , unless I do it this way .I don't want to miss a thing , lol . This way I read all comments from all the people and I post All comments .Nothing is deleted . I get them all (comments) so please keep commenting as I respect your opinions .

I abhor abuse of any type; here , there , or anywhere .Libyan woman are much abused as the foreign women here too but my topic was on foreign women , that's all . But thankfully things are improving some here in that respect . Or maybe it it more underground than before .I don't know .I think it is more religiously / physiological now . Call me crazy , I know .

on the edge said...

PH said ... " It's all exagarated and lies and biased reporting just like western womens blogs ..... pms'ing and hyperventilating !

PH"

OTE said .... "Bull shit !A non American man can legally take his children from their mother , out of America , without her permission and NO ONE WILL STOP HIM because that is his ( so they think ) God Given Right ! That is a fact to think about . And in my own personal experience the ONLY country that is half way willing to stop that man from taking his children is Spain. Many foreign governments just don't give a dam what is going on , as long as it doesn't rock anyone's boat .I think you need to go to America , Britain , Germany , Italy , Spain , SOMEWHERE other than Downtown Tripoli and met some real people that are from somewhere else other than Libya . Try it . It isn't all that scary . People do it all the time , even PMS'ing hyperventilating women do it ! You take care PH !

on the edge said...

KhedegahMc said...

Ya Ukhti, this post sent chills down my spine....how sad te stories are.....En sha Allah this type of carry on will stop..

OTE said " Inshallah okhty !Inshallah "

Anonymous said...

"Bull shit !A non American man can legally take his children from their mother , out of America , without her permission and NO ONE WILL STOP HIM because that is his ( so they think ) God Given Right !"

Are you saying I'm a liar ? Because the only liars I've seen on these blogs are you and khadija so far and you've gone so far as to block my comments when I spoke about HIV and other topics you brought up !
Now to your false argument . how does a non-american man who doesn't have american citizenship get back into america ? Or how does a non-amreican man who is married to an american women stay in America if his green card is revoked after divorce ? Then you can tell me how he can get his children you liar !


"SOMEWHERE other than Downtown Tripoli and met some real people that are from somewhere else other than Libya . Try it . It isn't all that scary . People do it all the time , even PMS'ing hyperventilating women do it ! You take care PH !

See you are still hyperventilating :)). You know by know i've only recently moved back to tripoli and I've seen all the countries you've mentioned and have friends from all those nationalities the only difference between me and you is that I don't have a superiority complexity and I know better than to blame others for my own mistakes ! it was your choice to marry a libyan and come to libya and it was your job to raise your children can't blame libyans or libya or the libyan government for any faults that resulted from that, there are libyan who never got the opportunity to go abroad and did a better job than you!

PH

Anonymous said...

Here is a link to the story about the pakistani girl who's mother was from the UK ( another country ):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misbah_Rana


she even says that her mother tried to force her to convert to christanity; but we all know that is a lie ... I mean a white christian forcing people to convert or anything like that never happens right ? and I'll try to get the other stories another time for you maybe then you'll wake up to your bias ......... Can you imagine such a case being made over a middle eastern child who was abducted by his american father ?

PH

on the edge said...

Dear PH,

I am so happy that you have been able to travel the world , see new things and have new experiences .I wish everyone , everywhere could have had your opportunities.

It seems like SOMEWHERE along the way you might have fallen in love with some " no good for nothing Foreigner woman " and got your heart broken .It is the ONLY reason I can account for your extreme prejudices and anger toward non Libyan woman . OR this has happened to some one you know rather well ?

Anyway , if that is the case, then I am so sorry that has happened , but JUST as I don't judge ALL LIBYANS by the few rotten ones I have come across over the many years , neither should you judge all non Libyan women by the rotten ones you have encountered or heard of , correct ?

I have written about what I know, because I know about these things 1st hand and not from hear say . I too , have heard about the stories you mentioned . It is wrong to have anyone force a religion or a citizenship on anyone else for any reason . And yes all governments do not always act responsible toward the injured parties . What can I say ? That happens all over the world , to men and women alike .But my topic was about women like me, married to Libyan men specifically, not in general .

Now as for your false accusation of my censoring the comments , my dear , you are the liar here . I have never, to date censored comments for this blog . I have received hateful comments a few times , that is bound to occur, since there are some sick minds out there , but I have published them anyway .Go back and re read all the comments on all the post and you will see . IF you sent a comment , IF it went through to my mail box , then I published it , even if it was to do with AIDS , and by the way ,I know what I talk about there , since my son died of AIDS here in Libya , thank you very much , then that was published also.

And sweety , I NEVER hyperventilate . LOL ! Cry , maybe , but hyperventilate , no way . That's for sissy's .And if I PMS'ed around you , you would know it , lol !

I also think you are being hard on Khadijateri too , since she writes from her 1st hand experiences , as well . Not everything in life is pretty ,or nice , or happy .Surely you are old enough to know that by now .I have just chosen to write about a ugly subject that is sensitive for a change .You don't like the post , don't read it , simple . I don't want you to be so upset .Take care and please continue to send your 2 cents worth to the comment box . Thank you , OTE

Rose Bud said...

I think Anonymous needs to get a life and maybe a job. This person is a coward to speak their mind and not let anyone know who they are. I think all the people that blog the truth are brave and just because some people can't stand to hear the truth does not give them a right to be rude and biased.

khadijateri said...

hmmm.... PH... calling me a liar, eh? I could think of a few things to call you too.... I'll just let you imagine what they'd be.

Thanks OTE for this interesting post!

;)

egianqueen said...

My only comment is that it is not just Libyan males who are pampered - it is the same thing in Egypt. They live at home until they marry - usually in their mid to late 30's - and the expectation is that mommy and daddy will support them - daddy will pay for the apartment, the gold, the car - whatever is required to get married. Drives me crazy - ok ok - it is but a short putt - but I raised my son in the West and he was raised to pull his own weight.