Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Us Verses Them

I am constantly reading Libyan bloggers writing about how EASY my life as a foreigner married to a Libyan is here in Libya . It makes me laugh ! If it is not about how easy our lives are , then it is about how bad we foreigner women are as wives to Libyans and our children are so non Libyan . I believe this is just pure ignorance on their part . Maybe because they don't really KNOW any of us ? Or they are too prejudiced? I can't make my mind up which it is because I like to try to give people the benefit of doubt .

What I do know for a fact is this .... our lives are dam hard . Real hard , harder than you can imagine at times . We don't have our mothers and fathers to protect us when our husbands and/ or their families decide to mistreat us like a Libyan woman would . Nor do we have a safe harbor to run to when things get bad or ugly . No place or no one there for us to go to , to listen to us and our problems . No helping hand to reach out in love , like a Libyan woman does . No , we just tough it out .We stick to it . We don't run away . We stand and fight for ourselves and our children for all we are worth , in whatever manner we have to defend ourselves by .

We do this because of love . Love , yes love . We love our husbands , even when we want to kill him . We love our kids , even when they disrespect us or are ashamed of us because we aren't Libyans , because we are different .Yes that happens to some of us . Love of our adopted home , Libya and all Her crazy , strange ,beautiful, wondrous , people , places ,and things .

My hair is blond . My eyes are blue . I am tall . I am fat .I speak terrible Arabic . I don't wear the Hijab . I wear short sleeve dresses or blouses, and slacks too . I drive a car , alone , at night . I listen to loud rock and roll music . I believe it is ok to have a dog as a loving pet , not just cats , even though I have a cat . I believe my children have the right of freedom of choice as to what they want to do with their lives with out too much interference from Moe or I . I believe it is their lives to make their own mistakes as adults . I believe that Moe and I have a sometimes one sided partnership that sometimes works as compromise , lol . Sometimes .

But despite all this , I live here in Libya because this is my home . My home where I bore 3 of my 4 children . My 2 sons did the army thing or pubic work for their country .One is buried here in Libyan soil . I became a Muslim here of my own volition 13 years ago , after saying for 20 odd years I would never change my religion just to make some people happy . I did it for me .

I know of foreigner women married to Libyans that have been beaten by their husbands .Women who were locked up in a room for years without outside contact with the world , to lose their minds .Women who have been sent out to work to support lazy husbands that refuse to work . Women who had home delivers because their husbands refused them doctors care . Women who went hungry so their children would have food to eat because they were so poor . Strong , brave ,beautiful women that lived like this because of their love for their husbands and their children .

They gave up their homes , families , friends , culture ,and many times their freedoms to live here in conditions that a normal Libyan women would refuse to live in .Imagine not being allowed to speak your own mother tongue . Can you imagine that? Or having no indoor plumbing ( yes there was a time when it was like that here ) and you had to go outside behind a cactus plant , where the snakes where waiting for you .

On and On these stories come . I know that Libyans too have been mistreated this way , as well as foreigners, but they have families to help defend them . We don't . This too has happened in foreign countries to women . It isn't just here in Libya , women being mistreated . BUT..... I just wanted to let you know that not all foreign women married to Libyan men are living in the laps of luxury and if they are , the chances are they worked to make it luxurious , sacrificing much to get it that way by hard work .

So , the next time you see a foreign woman married to a Libyan , know this , her life IS NOT A BED OF ROSES AS YOU THINK IT IS . That is just a myth . What you are looking at is a woman that is loyal , strong , hardworking , sacrificing ,and willing to give everything up for her love .


Shahrazad said...

Right on Sis !
Good topic on the edge.
You said exactly what my mother always says....
I come from a foreign mother and Libyan father,and know exactly where you're coming from. I could t agree with you more. I dont wear hejab as well nor does my mother or grandmother.At times I feel as though I was an unwanted person,in this lIbyan society so full of negativity. I am luckier that other kids (not a kid anymore ,but its nice to say it to feel younger lol)who come from mixed marriages cause my grandma is also not Libyan but Lebanese and she too has had a hard time living here.......
God will reward you for the love of your family and the sacrifice you have made and still do.


khadijateri said...

Oh the sacrifices I have made!!! aahhh!

KhedegahMc said...

Asalom Alai Kom ukhti,

SubhanAllah, this was a beautiful post, that was delivered straight from the heart sis.
I loved it.......
K x

Rose Bud said...

I love this post and it is so true! You stated the case perfectly.

Libyan Woman said...

oh dear sister,i really like the way of your writing.u r such tolerant person,uyour thoughts are 100% right.
i do appreciate your life so far.thanx.

Anonymous said...

Yes , I too am married to a Libyan and have made several sacrifices.
I understand that currently in the Libya the young ladies are very demanding and want many material things before they agree to a marital union.
I wonder if the Libyan men we married would have been desirable candidates for the Libyan ladies ??

on the edge said...

Yes , it does bring pause into your thoughts . Would a Libyan put up with what I have put up with for 37 years of marriage with Moe ? HELL NO! And the best part is ... he knows it too .And appreciates that fact .

Caught in the middle said...

KT, thank you for sharing, I like this very much, I think I understand now why you blog so much...as a Libyan I struggle here sometimes, and I often look at non libyans living here and say to myself, Why do they stay? I guess this answers some of the questions.

Pinky Tabor said...

i love this post...i love you, your heart, thoughts, and all...and i love me...being reminded of all my sacrifices here in just one year made me value my person more than ever...and oh i love my Libyan husband whose character helped bring me closer to Allah.

Allah knows our heart!

btw, were you sort of a hippie before? i so love 60's and 70's rock and roll. :)

Anglo-Libyan said...

my mother would have written a simillar post to this if she had to.
I am with 100% on this as I too come from a Libyan father and a foreign mother who sacrificed a lot for her family and for Libya.
Allah bless you

on the edge said...

Dear Caught In The Middle ... Thanks for the compliment... But I am On The Edge , lol , not Khadijateri . Easy mistake , Yes I blog a lot because as anyone who knows me will tell you , I NEVER shut up ! LOL ! I always look forward to what you write and miss your entry's . Write more often !!!

Dear Pinky... I love to read what you write too . I love you and your lovely family . I think of you often and pray your doing better with your pregnancy .Take care !